I've noticed in my own life, that there are those times when I know what the "right" thing to do is - whether it has to do with making a healthy food choice or going to the gym to work out. I might have started out the day with healthy intentions & then, all of a sudden, I hear myself telling myself, "I don't care". I just don't care. That's all there is to it, or so it seems. I'm a million miles away, emotionally, from what I normally want to do and how I want to behave.
At that time, it's as if there are 2 Cheryls: Cheryl who cares & Cheryl who does not care (& might even stamp her foot to drive the mood home)
I have discovered that, for me, it's a waste of time to argue with Cheryl, the foot stamper. She just becomes more determined than ever. What does seem to help this stand-off, is to accept that there are 2 different parts of me at play. It is pointless to judge them. When I relax by taking a couple of deep breaths, I sit back & think in terms of making room for both of these parts of me to exist simultaneously.
I suspect that the foot stamper developed when I was a child. In my family of origin, I was not allowed to stamp my feet in rebellion. That was not something that a "good little girl", raised in the '50's was supposed to do. I guess that that part of my personality "went underground" or was suppressed. However, it is still alive & well. I no longer want to judge that part of me. If I accept her, she calms down &, amazingly, begins to join with the part of me that cares.
It's about acceptance of all of who we are. Nobody is perfect. We all have traits, thoughts & feelings that we'd rather not share with the world. But, you see, that's the thing. We are all alike in this. If we can just accept what we see as unacceptable about ourselves, we will be able to give up the internal war and come to peace within, which is a wonderful way to live.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Mindfulness and Acceptance of What Is
I would like to help you understand the importance of mindfulness and acceptance of what is by presenting examples of me forgetting this in my own life. I also want to help you understand that it is one thing for me to sit in my comfy chair in my office telling you how important they are - and then there's my real life!
For example, today I took my dog, Susie, along with me for a walk at Faust Park. Now those of you who live in St. Louis know what a cool Spring we have had this year. Nonetheless, today there was a beautiful, bright blue sky above and NO RAIN which is also quite significant this Spring.
As I look back on this walk, tonight which is 10 hours later, there are 2 things which I remember. One was a lovely talk that I had with a woman over her fence and the other was when I glanced down & saw a black racer snake 1/2 way across our path. Fortunately Susie was busy looking off in the opposite direction and did not spot the snake which was perfectly still. Susie & I walked past it without it moving. It was so still that I looked back to make sure that it was alive & it had already disappeared!
I must have spent the rest of my hike "lost in thought". What was I thinking about? I do remember that I was bemoaning that it was less than 60 degrees. Poor me. Is it always this cool this late in the Spring here in St. Louis? (I've only lived here 30 years.) Was it like this when I grew up in Rochester, NY or was it like this when I lived in Ridgefield, CT? I heard that we might have a freeze tonight! I'm going to have to bring in my plants that I purchased & have not yet potted tonight. Where will I put them? Probably it would be best to put them in the kitchen. I can't believe that it's less than 60 degrees. When will it warm up?
You probably get the idea. I spent almost all of that walk resisting what was & thinking the same pointless things over and over. I wanted it to be different than it was. I didn't drink in all of the beauty surrounding me. I know that there must have been beautiful green trees, spring wildflowers, lovely sunshine falling on me, but I didn't see any of that because I wasn't present. I was lost in thought.
The good news is, to the best of my knowledge, I'll get another chance to take Susie to Faust Park. I'll have another opportunity to be present for that experience - or not.
For example, today I took my dog, Susie, along with me for a walk at Faust Park. Now those of you who live in St. Louis know what a cool Spring we have had this year. Nonetheless, today there was a beautiful, bright blue sky above and NO RAIN which is also quite significant this Spring.
As I look back on this walk, tonight which is 10 hours later, there are 2 things which I remember. One was a lovely talk that I had with a woman over her fence and the other was when I glanced down & saw a black racer snake 1/2 way across our path. Fortunately Susie was busy looking off in the opposite direction and did not spot the snake which was perfectly still. Susie & I walked past it without it moving. It was so still that I looked back to make sure that it was alive & it had already disappeared!
I must have spent the rest of my hike "lost in thought". What was I thinking about? I do remember that I was bemoaning that it was less than 60 degrees. Poor me. Is it always this cool this late in the Spring here in St. Louis? (I've only lived here 30 years.) Was it like this when I grew up in Rochester, NY or was it like this when I lived in Ridgefield, CT? I heard that we might have a freeze tonight! I'm going to have to bring in my plants that I purchased & have not yet potted tonight. Where will I put them? Probably it would be best to put them in the kitchen. I can't believe that it's less than 60 degrees. When will it warm up?
You probably get the idea. I spent almost all of that walk resisting what was & thinking the same pointless things over and over. I wanted it to be different than it was. I didn't drink in all of the beauty surrounding me. I know that there must have been beautiful green trees, spring wildflowers, lovely sunshine falling on me, but I didn't see any of that because I wasn't present. I was lost in thought.
The good news is, to the best of my knowledge, I'll get another chance to take Susie to Faust Park. I'll have another opportunity to be present for that experience - or not.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Mindful Eating as a Balance in Life
So many clients are coming in to see me because they are feeling overwhelmed by all the global events that are transpiring. There is such an internal conflict that can arise within us as we sit comfortably in our home watching the horrendous earthquake & tsunami that inundated Japan & its scary after effects, watching Middle Eastern countries struggling to overtake their despotic leaders, watch our government leaders struggling to deal with our economic woes with all their dire predictions of what will happen if "the other side wins", and on and on it goes. There is little that most of us can do about these situations.
So what do we do with all the feelings of helplessness and sorrow that might arise for us? For those of us who have turned to food in our lives as a coping mechanism, it is an automatic reaction to reach for food, lots of food, to "stuff it all down".
The irony is that this food solution only causes more overwhelming feelings as guilt sets in for having overeaten.
What I have found is that bringing mindfulness into our lives helps us to slow down & notice the things that we do have some control over. Bringing mindful awareness to our body and noticing whether it is hungry or not is a great start. If it is hungry, we check to see if we want something hot or cold, creamy or crunchy, etc. We make sure that we make a time and place where we can let our meal be the center of our attention. We look at the food, taking in any smells, colors, shapes, noting the texture of the food in our mouth as we slowly savor the taste. We notice when our body gives us the subtle sign that we have had enough. This can be a very special, nurturing experience.
A special, nurturing experience is exactly what we need to balance our feelings of overwhelm and helplessness.
Stopping our hectic pace in this way is the pause that refreshes, the pause that can make all the difference to the quality of our life.
So what do we do with all the feelings of helplessness and sorrow that might arise for us? For those of us who have turned to food in our lives as a coping mechanism, it is an automatic reaction to reach for food, lots of food, to "stuff it all down".
The irony is that this food solution only causes more overwhelming feelings as guilt sets in for having overeaten.
What I have found is that bringing mindfulness into our lives helps us to slow down & notice the things that we do have some control over. Bringing mindful awareness to our body and noticing whether it is hungry or not is a great start. If it is hungry, we check to see if we want something hot or cold, creamy or crunchy, etc. We make sure that we make a time and place where we can let our meal be the center of our attention. We look at the food, taking in any smells, colors, shapes, noting the texture of the food in our mouth as we slowly savor the taste. We notice when our body gives us the subtle sign that we have had enough. This can be a very special, nurturing experience.
A special, nurturing experience is exactly what we need to balance our feelings of overwhelm and helplessness.
Stopping our hectic pace in this way is the pause that refreshes, the pause that can make all the difference to the quality of our life.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Good Bye, Good Buddy - In Memory of Diane Kessler
There always was something special about you. I asked my Mom yesterday why she and my Dad happened to invite you to go the circus with me way back when were both in first grade together. Mom said, "All your father & I kept hearing around the house was, "Diane this" and "Diane that". "We thought it would be nice for you to take a friend along to the circus & we both knew it had to be this Diane girl."
You were gentle & somewhat shy in grammar school & high school. At the same time you were determined about doing well in school and did what it took to get good grades, just the way you accomplished everything.
I was the one who was always thinking of ways to do things we weren't supposed to do such as trying out all of your Dad's alcohol mixed together one night when your parents went out. I tried to get both of us to be smokers. We both choked & coughed, but you were the one say, "Cheryl , this is stupid." I think you said that a lot to me. You were so level-headed.
After we married and you moved away on your adventure to Colorado with your "real man", we had many visits together. (Now I wish there had been many more, but it's too late to go down that path.) I was always amazed at how much you accomplished and how organized you were. You were creative in all of the things that you sewed and crafted. Your house was always filled with love - whether it was your fabulous cooking or all the loving family pictures that graced the walls. You thought about others and let them know how important they were.
You were so proud of Carrie and Aaron. Your letters and phone calls were all about what they were up to. Your Christmas letters were chock full of all the fun, learning, travel and wonderful friendships you & Lynn had with them.
Sid really enjoyed spending time with you from that very first night when you flew in to attend my son, Doug's, wedding. He could see immediately why I thought so much of you.
I told you how great grandchildren were, but you let me know that you had no idea that they would be that great after your grandsons began to make their appearances. They became the light of your life. I know that you have figured out how to watch over them from now on.
You were a trooper for these past 2 1/2 years. The brain tumor made you different, yet you were enough the same to be our wonderful Diane. We still had adventures that were stupid because they were my idea such as following Lynn & his brother (unbeknownst to them) down the train trail behind your house when I ended up 1/2 carrying you - one of my very most stupid ideas, for sure, but we laughed and laughed just like we did when we were little.
You were blessed with a husband who really rose to the occasion to be the most amazing "real man" a woman could ever want. I never saw such dedication &determination to make your last days the very best they could be and love.
You also were blessed with a daughter and son (and spouses) who used all of their creativity to find ways to amuse you, care for you and show you by their actions how grateful they were that you were their Mom.
I will miss you so very much. I don't think anyone has ever understood me, accepted me and laughed with me in the same way as you.
You will always be my best buddy, my best friend from first grade.
-Cheryl
You were gentle & somewhat shy in grammar school & high school. At the same time you were determined about doing well in school and did what it took to get good grades, just the way you accomplished everything.
I was the one who was always thinking of ways to do things we weren't supposed to do such as trying out all of your Dad's alcohol mixed together one night when your parents went out. I tried to get both of us to be smokers. We both choked & coughed, but you were the one say, "Cheryl , this is stupid." I think you said that a lot to me. You were so level-headed.
After we married and you moved away on your adventure to Colorado with your "real man", we had many visits together. (Now I wish there had been many more, but it's too late to go down that path.) I was always amazed at how much you accomplished and how organized you were. You were creative in all of the things that you sewed and crafted. Your house was always filled with love - whether it was your fabulous cooking or all the loving family pictures that graced the walls. You thought about others and let them know how important they were.
You were so proud of Carrie and Aaron. Your letters and phone calls were all about what they were up to. Your Christmas letters were chock full of all the fun, learning, travel and wonderful friendships you & Lynn had with them.
Sid really enjoyed spending time with you from that very first night when you flew in to attend my son, Doug's, wedding. He could see immediately why I thought so much of you.
I told you how great grandchildren were, but you let me know that you had no idea that they would be that great after your grandsons began to make their appearances. They became the light of your life. I know that you have figured out how to watch over them from now on.
You were a trooper for these past 2 1/2 years. The brain tumor made you different, yet you were enough the same to be our wonderful Diane. We still had adventures that were stupid because they were my idea such as following Lynn & his brother (unbeknownst to them) down the train trail behind your house when I ended up 1/2 carrying you - one of my very most stupid ideas, for sure, but we laughed and laughed just like we did when we were little.
You were blessed with a husband who really rose to the occasion to be the most amazing "real man" a woman could ever want. I never saw such dedication &determination to make your last days the very best they could be and love.
You also were blessed with a daughter and son (and spouses) who used all of their creativity to find ways to amuse you, care for you and show you by their actions how grateful they were that you were their Mom.
I will miss you so very much. I don't think anyone has ever understood me, accepted me and laughed with me in the same way as you.
You will always be my best buddy, my best friend from first grade.
-Cheryl
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Impermanence
Do you remember how excited I was about Spring being here & how excited I was about the wonderful warm weather that was engulfing us here in St. Louis? Well, guess what? It was in the 70's around 2PM & then strong winds blew winter back into town! As I write, it's in the 40's. Now, I know perfectly well that this is the nature of Spring where we live. It happens every year. BUT YET, once again I feel like Charlie Brown falling over and over again for Lucie's false promises. I do know that this cold weather will be impermanent & give way to Spring in its own time.
My thoughts about impermanence have been stimulated by the catastrophe in Japan. I can't find the words to describe how devastating the images that have come out of there are to us as viewers. So many clients are expressing their sorrow and sense of helplessness to me in sessions. It has touched all of us deeply.
Once again we are graphically reminded that there is so much that is out of our control, no matter how technologically advanced we are. Japan had done just about everything possible to prepare for earthquakes and tsunamis since they knew that they were vulnerable. However, nothing could hold back the horrific surge of water that wiped out so many communities and lives.
Life is fragile. This event is one more reminder of that fact. We can panic and try to protect ourselves even more than we are. Or we can be grateful for all that we have - for every day that dawns, no matter what the temperature.
Today my beautiful grand daughter, Julia has turned 10. She is so very full of life and she also can be amazingly wise. She sits back & listens & then will come up with an assessment that seems way beyond her 10 years.
I am full of gratitude for having such a full life with a wonderful, loving husband, healthy Mom, 4 beautiful children (counting spouses), 5 fabulous grandchildren, best dog ever, Susie, great friends and wonderful clients.
I am encouraging you to stop right now and mindfully reflect on what you are grateful for having in your life. Even though it might be impermanent, it is here now.
My thoughts about impermanence have been stimulated by the catastrophe in Japan. I can't find the words to describe how devastating the images that have come out of there are to us as viewers. So many clients are expressing their sorrow and sense of helplessness to me in sessions. It has touched all of us deeply.
Once again we are graphically reminded that there is so much that is out of our control, no matter how technologically advanced we are. Japan had done just about everything possible to prepare for earthquakes and tsunamis since they knew that they were vulnerable. However, nothing could hold back the horrific surge of water that wiped out so many communities and lives.
Life is fragile. This event is one more reminder of that fact. We can panic and try to protect ourselves even more than we are. Or we can be grateful for all that we have - for every day that dawns, no matter what the temperature.
Today my beautiful grand daughter, Julia has turned 10. She is so very full of life and she also can be amazingly wise. She sits back & listens & then will come up with an assessment that seems way beyond her 10 years.
I am full of gratitude for having such a full life with a wonderful, loving husband, healthy Mom, 4 beautiful children (counting spouses), 5 fabulous grandchildren, best dog ever, Susie, great friends and wonderful clients.
I am encouraging you to stop right now and mindfully reflect on what you are grateful for having in your life. Even though it might be impermanent, it is here now.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Spring is Bustin' Out All Over!
Happy Spring to all of my readers. The above title is what I usually sing to my daughter's voicemail on the first beautiful day that we have. Today the temperature has climbed up into the high 70's here in St. Louis, MO.
It's amazing how in a blink the winter blahs vanish. There are signs of Spring everywhere. I love to make it my business every year to try to find every single one of them. It seems to be so reassuring. I've survived another winter. Life goes on and I'm still a part of it. I'm so very grateful.
Today Sid, Susie & I went for a run/walk on a trail that goes from the Research Park in St. Charles Co. down to the KATY trail. We went a mile out on the trail until we decided that we had better head back for Susie's sake. We didn't want her to get too tired. Yeah, right! When Sid & I think that we're running at such a great pace, we look down at Susie & she's walking - just walking & ahead of us!!! Okay, the truth is out - Sid & I didn't want to overdo it so early in Spring. There's time for that later when it's in the upper 90's.
Today I would like to encourage each and every one of you to slow down by taking a nice, deep breath - Yes, right now - noticing the sensation of your breath as it comes in at the tip of your nose, travels all the way down into your lower chest & then back up and out. Notice how the air is cool as it comes in at the tip of your nose and then is warmed by your body so that it is warmer as it leaves your body through the tip of your nose. Isn't that amazing? It's one more thing that we take for granted in this wonderful life that we have. When we take this mini-timeout for ourselves, we are able to see more clearly. When we can see clearly, we can make our wisest choices. This certainly applies to mindful eating choices.
It feels good to join with you on this first day of Spring. It's a day of hope and promise of more good things to come.
-Cheryl
It's amazing how in a blink the winter blahs vanish. There are signs of Spring everywhere. I love to make it my business every year to try to find every single one of them. It seems to be so reassuring. I've survived another winter. Life goes on and I'm still a part of it. I'm so very grateful.
Today Sid, Susie & I went for a run/walk on a trail that goes from the Research Park in St. Charles Co. down to the KATY trail. We went a mile out on the trail until we decided that we had better head back for Susie's sake. We didn't want her to get too tired. Yeah, right! When Sid & I think that we're running at such a great pace, we look down at Susie & she's walking - just walking & ahead of us!!! Okay, the truth is out - Sid & I didn't want to overdo it so early in Spring. There's time for that later when it's in the upper 90's.
Today I would like to encourage each and every one of you to slow down by taking a nice, deep breath - Yes, right now - noticing the sensation of your breath as it comes in at the tip of your nose, travels all the way down into your lower chest & then back up and out. Notice how the air is cool as it comes in at the tip of your nose and then is warmed by your body so that it is warmer as it leaves your body through the tip of your nose. Isn't that amazing? It's one more thing that we take for granted in this wonderful life that we have. When we take this mini-timeout for ourselves, we are able to see more clearly. When we can see clearly, we can make our wisest choices. This certainly applies to mindful eating choices.
It feels good to join with you on this first day of Spring. It's a day of hope and promise of more good things to come.
-Cheryl
Monday, March 14, 2011
Change
Dear Reader,
I apologize for the lapse of time since I last wrote here. I've had a major change in my life in that my son, daughter-in-law, 3 grandchildren, my 87 year old mother & their 3 dogs all moved to Phoenix, AZ. I'm very happy for them, but not so much for me! It is a tremendous change. Sid & I had centered our lives around them. We, of course, can visit them, but it's just a very big change.
Another big change is that my best friend from first grade is slipping away as I write this due to a brain tumor. She has always been there for me, even though we live 1,000 miles apart. This loss, alas, is permanent.
I have been really putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak, by practicing what I preach about accepting my feelings. In the past it was just so much easier, in the short term, to make my feelings go away by losing myself in ice cream. Of course I then had to wear the evidence of this coping mechanism on my body in extra body fat. It is truly amazing how powerful it is to make a spacious place inside myself for my unpleasant feelings - to invite them in & see that they don't kill me, after all. I just allow myself to sit with my internal body sensations, letting go of the "story line". As a matter of fact I find that I feel lighter after & full of energy.
In an effort to keep myself busy (busier), I have been doing a lot of writing. Two colleagues & I are writing a professional blog for dieticians & others who want to teach mindful eating. It can be accessed at www.megrette.com. It's fun to write, but I often find that I get myself into a perfectionistic snit. Just one more imperfection that I can learn to accept and then, perhaps, with compassion, come to change - or not.
Well, I don't want to overwhelm you after such a long absence, so I will sign off for now.
One breath at a time,
Cheryl
I apologize for the lapse of time since I last wrote here. I've had a major change in my life in that my son, daughter-in-law, 3 grandchildren, my 87 year old mother & their 3 dogs all moved to Phoenix, AZ. I'm very happy for them, but not so much for me! It is a tremendous change. Sid & I had centered our lives around them. We, of course, can visit them, but it's just a very big change.
Another big change is that my best friend from first grade is slipping away as I write this due to a brain tumor. She has always been there for me, even though we live 1,000 miles apart. This loss, alas, is permanent.
I have been really putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak, by practicing what I preach about accepting my feelings. In the past it was just so much easier, in the short term, to make my feelings go away by losing myself in ice cream. Of course I then had to wear the evidence of this coping mechanism on my body in extra body fat. It is truly amazing how powerful it is to make a spacious place inside myself for my unpleasant feelings - to invite them in & see that they don't kill me, after all. I just allow myself to sit with my internal body sensations, letting go of the "story line". As a matter of fact I find that I feel lighter after & full of energy.
In an effort to keep myself busy (busier), I have been doing a lot of writing. Two colleagues & I are writing a professional blog for dieticians & others who want to teach mindful eating. It can be accessed at www.megrette.com. It's fun to write, but I often find that I get myself into a perfectionistic snit. Just one more imperfection that I can learn to accept and then, perhaps, with compassion, come to change - or not.
Well, I don't want to overwhelm you after such a long absence, so I will sign off for now.
One breath at a time,
Cheryl
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