I am the person that others look to for guidance in the practice of mindfulness, right? As a matter of fact people even pay me for that guidance. One might then expect that I have mastered this business of paying attention to what is, in my life, right?
You probably think you know where this is going, don't you? A psychotherapist's confession is about to be put forth for all to see. You might also expect this to be accompanied by sarcasm & self-reproach for my inadequacy.
Now, I must admit that there was frustration flying around my house this morning when I discovered that my keys were not where they were supposed to be. However, I have reflected on this as the day has progressed, and, through the use of self-compassion I have held my own hand gently so that I can see that this is not the end of the world - not even close. I reminded myself that I had a childhood & subsequent life events where it seemed necessary to stay aware of what others were thinking, feeling & doing in order to feel safe. I lost the ability to stay connected with my own internal & external experiences.
As I work with eating disturbed clients, I see that this is a common trait.
What is lovely is that this can be greatly improved through the wise use of mindfulness. Whenever I have an event such as this morning's key loss, it is a wake-up call to me that I need to stay a little more connected to myself in the present moment so that I make the aware choices that will serve me well.
This is not about becoming totally self-absorbed. It's about widening my awareness to take in what I'm up to in addition to what others are doing. It's about offering myself the same generosity of spirit and forgiveness for being way less than perfect that I strive to offer others.
Showing posts with label mindfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mindfulness. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Happy Mindful Holiday
What would it look like to have a mindful holiday this year?
Well, I believe that it would not look like frenzied running around trying to attend every party, obsessing over buying the "perfect" gift for everyone on your list, killing yourself in an attempt to have your house picture perfect for those who are invited over, baking piles of holiday goodies & then calming your frazzled nerves by trying to eat everything that you've made & more!
What it might look like is:
the look of delight on your 3 year old's face when she first sees a lit Christmas tree.
the state of calm you feel when you have the time to stand in the midst of a gentle snowfall, taking in the stillness and lazy pattern of flakes drifting down around you
the warmth you feel in your heart when you look at your spouse and remember the many little ways he or she has been there for you through the years
the feeling of satisfaction you experience when you remember to notice when you are hungry and then enjoy whatever wonderful food you choose to eat and mindfully savor until your body is satisfied.
I wish all of these and many, many more delightful possibilities that you will notice if you slow down and pay attention to what is happening in the present moment.
Well, I believe that it would not look like frenzied running around trying to attend every party, obsessing over buying the "perfect" gift for everyone on your list, killing yourself in an attempt to have your house picture perfect for those who are invited over, baking piles of holiday goodies & then calming your frazzled nerves by trying to eat everything that you've made & more!
What it might look like is:
the look of delight on your 3 year old's face when she first sees a lit Christmas tree.
the state of calm you feel when you have the time to stand in the midst of a gentle snowfall, taking in the stillness and lazy pattern of flakes drifting down around you
the warmth you feel in your heart when you look at your spouse and remember the many little ways he or she has been there for you through the years
the feeling of satisfaction you experience when you remember to notice when you are hungry and then enjoy whatever wonderful food you choose to eat and mindfully savor until your body is satisfied.
I wish all of these and many, many more delightful possibilities that you will notice if you slow down and pay attention to what is happening in the present moment.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
A Mindful Thanksgiving
Does your traditional Thanksgiving consist of cleaning, cooking and overeating followed by exhaustion? If so, why not try a mindful Thanksgiving this year?
Thanksgiving is an opportunity to slow down, to be grateful for what we have and to really see what is important in our lives.
For example, as you are slicing and chopping vegetables for the meal, become aware that they were warmed by the sunshine, were watered by the rain and had moonlight shining down on them at night. You might reflect on the fact that you are preparing food that will nourish the bodies of those you love so that this becomes an act of caring rather than a boring chore.
If you notice yourself caught up in worries about whether the house looks perfect or fearful that you will overeat, try to remember that all of that is beside the point. The point is to savor the experience of togetherness and gratitude for all that you have. You might see that slowing down with this awareness of abundance and gratitude will fill you emotionally so that you will be less likely to burden yourself with excess food. Perhaps you will also see that what you are truly hungering for are these nourishing feelings.
Put aside your worries and fears to look into the eyes of those with whom you are sharing this day. Drink in the delight of any children who might be present. Notice what is right and let the rest go.
A warm, mindful connection with others provides a positive internal experience. We miss this experience if we are busy worrying and/or judging ourselves and others.
Creating this kind of rich, meaningful experience can provide a wonderful balance for any personal life hardships, upsetting world events and uncertainties.
Perhaps you will see an opportunity to reach out in some way to someone who is less fortunate, being grateful for the opportunity to do so. This kind of behavior not only feels good to us, but it also is modeling behavior that your children are likely to integrate into their lives in a positive way.
You might be amazed at how much abundance you have when you actually slow down and just notice.
This is my November, 2011 contribution to The Healthy Planet magazine.
Thanksgiving is an opportunity to slow down, to be grateful for what we have and to really see what is important in our lives.
For example, as you are slicing and chopping vegetables for the meal, become aware that they were warmed by the sunshine, were watered by the rain and had moonlight shining down on them at night. You might reflect on the fact that you are preparing food that will nourish the bodies of those you love so that this becomes an act of caring rather than a boring chore.
If you notice yourself caught up in worries about whether the house looks perfect or fearful that you will overeat, try to remember that all of that is beside the point. The point is to savor the experience of togetherness and gratitude for all that you have. You might see that slowing down with this awareness of abundance and gratitude will fill you emotionally so that you will be less likely to burden yourself with excess food. Perhaps you will also see that what you are truly hungering for are these nourishing feelings.
Put aside your worries and fears to look into the eyes of those with whom you are sharing this day. Drink in the delight of any children who might be present. Notice what is right and let the rest go.
A warm, mindful connection with others provides a positive internal experience. We miss this experience if we are busy worrying and/or judging ourselves and others.
Creating this kind of rich, meaningful experience can provide a wonderful balance for any personal life hardships, upsetting world events and uncertainties.
Perhaps you will see an opportunity to reach out in some way to someone who is less fortunate, being grateful for the opportunity to do so. This kind of behavior not only feels good to us, but it also is modeling behavior that your children are likely to integrate into their lives in a positive way.
You might be amazed at how much abundance you have when you actually slow down and just notice.
This is my November, 2011 contribution to The Healthy Planet magazine.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Mindfully Falling Flat on my Face
In the interest of helping you, my reader, to learn from my life, I would like to tell you what happened to me a couple of weeks ago.
After a run on the Levee Trail down in Chesterfield Valley, Sid & I drove by the nearby shopping area & spotted a restaurant that we had never seen before. We decided that we would try it out that evening. (So far, so good, right?)
We came back to the restaurant around the time that the sun was low in the sky. I got out of our car with my dark sunglasses on (notice how I'm already making excuses for myself). The double doors to the restaurant were wide open since it was such a glorious day. As we walked toward those doors, I remember squinting, trying to see how things were arranged inside, so that I wouldn't go the wrong way or do anything else embarrassing. I was so busy trying not to be less than perfect, that I totally missed seeing a concrete curb right in front of me. The first thing I knew, I was airborne and landed hard (trust me on this) on my knees & hands! Amazingly those hands held my upper body up enough that I didn't smash my face into the concrete pavement. So, there I was, sprawled, face down, in front of a lovely Chesterfield restaurant. Sid leaned down to help me up. I gratefully sneered, "Stop! Don't touch me!" (We are still married inspite of this) At this point, I considered my options. I could just lay there, face down, until the restaurant closed & then slither away into the dark. That one was sounding pretty good to me until a wonderful waitress came running out to me. "Are you all right? How can I help you?" I gingerly began to try out my body, one muscle group at a time to assess the damage. Amazingly, everything was still working. The waitress and Sid walked me into the restaurant and over to a table. I gratefully noticed that all the patrons were busily looking at anything - other than me, to help me gather my wits, since my wits were still somewhat scattered around the parking lot at that point.
As I sat in my chair at our table, mindful awareness came over me as I became aware of a powerful sense of gratitude. I realized how fortunate I was that I had not done any serious damage, other than a couple of small bruises on my knees. I was grateful for Sid who was so concerned about me being okay. I was grateful for the waitress who was not afraid to come running out to my aid.
I was sharing this story with my daughter, Jessica, at lunch a couple of days later and she said, "You know, Mom, falling flat on your face in front of a crowd of people is probably 1 of our worst nightmares, but yet the overwhelming feeling that you came away with was gratitude."
She's right. Every time I happen to remember this incident, I am filled with that wonderful feeling of gratitude.
This is another example in my life of how being able to slow down in the midst of a troubling event, bringing mindfulness to whatever is happening in the moment, allows me to move out of a contracted self-conscious state into a state of gratitude for whatever I have.
After a run on the Levee Trail down in Chesterfield Valley, Sid & I drove by the nearby shopping area & spotted a restaurant that we had never seen before. We decided that we would try it out that evening. (So far, so good, right?)
We came back to the restaurant around the time that the sun was low in the sky. I got out of our car with my dark sunglasses on (notice how I'm already making excuses for myself). The double doors to the restaurant were wide open since it was such a glorious day. As we walked toward those doors, I remember squinting, trying to see how things were arranged inside, so that I wouldn't go the wrong way or do anything else embarrassing. I was so busy trying not to be less than perfect, that I totally missed seeing a concrete curb right in front of me. The first thing I knew, I was airborne and landed hard (trust me on this) on my knees & hands! Amazingly those hands held my upper body up enough that I didn't smash my face into the concrete pavement. So, there I was, sprawled, face down, in front of a lovely Chesterfield restaurant. Sid leaned down to help me up. I gratefully sneered, "Stop! Don't touch me!" (We are still married inspite of this) At this point, I considered my options. I could just lay there, face down, until the restaurant closed & then slither away into the dark. That one was sounding pretty good to me until a wonderful waitress came running out to me. "Are you all right? How can I help you?" I gingerly began to try out my body, one muscle group at a time to assess the damage. Amazingly, everything was still working. The waitress and Sid walked me into the restaurant and over to a table. I gratefully noticed that all the patrons were busily looking at anything - other than me, to help me gather my wits, since my wits were still somewhat scattered around the parking lot at that point.
As I sat in my chair at our table, mindful awareness came over me as I became aware of a powerful sense of gratitude. I realized how fortunate I was that I had not done any serious damage, other than a couple of small bruises on my knees. I was grateful for Sid who was so concerned about me being okay. I was grateful for the waitress who was not afraid to come running out to my aid.
I was sharing this story with my daughter, Jessica, at lunch a couple of days later and she said, "You know, Mom, falling flat on your face in front of a crowd of people is probably 1 of our worst nightmares, but yet the overwhelming feeling that you came away with was gratitude."
She's right. Every time I happen to remember this incident, I am filled with that wonderful feeling of gratitude.
This is another example in my life of how being able to slow down in the midst of a troubling event, bringing mindfulness to whatever is happening in the moment, allows me to move out of a contracted self-conscious state into a state of gratitude for whatever I have.
Friday, July 15, 2011
TRYING TO HOLD ONTO SUMMER
Today is a beautiful, bright, blue-skied day. I am thrilled. I love, love, love summer. Before I go to work, I go for a 4 mile run/walk on the Chesterfield Levee Trail. I will never set any speed records, but I do try to soak up every delightful sign of summer being in full swing. I greet all the dragonflies zooming back & forth over the trail. I delight in the brilliant colors and scents of wildflowers along the way. I use the sounds of birds & insects as my personalized IPOD. Even though it is hot and humid and I am soaked at the end, I feel ALIVE - which I've found at my age is a good way to feel!
There is only 1 problem with all of this summer-based ecstasy. It does not last forever. As you may have noticed, summer turns into autumn which turns into dark, dreary, bone-chilling winter here in Missouri. Perhaps you are picking up on a lack of appreciation for winter in me.
Since this whole seasonal bias thing has been going on with me for a while, I actually have some wisdom to share about this subject.
Here it is: Everything is impermanent. When we try to hold onto and grasp onto what we really like, we end up suffering, in the long run. We all grow older, get sick, lose people we love - it's inevitable. And, yes, winter with all of its dreariness does seem to come back every year. The remedy for this dilemma is to really be grateful for and mindful of what we have while we have it. My temptation is to rock my boat when I'm enjoying my run by thinking, "Well, pretty soon all the green grass & green leaves will be gone & I'll be stuck in the house!" That thought sucks all the pleasure out of my run instantly. It sure doesn't change the seasonal process, but it does change my mood which plummets.
So what is the lesson here as far as MINDFUL EATING is concerned? When we taste something that we really like, we want that good taste and good feeling to last forever. We want to grasp onto and hold onto it. We forget about whether we have had enough and are satisfied. We want that "party in our mouth" to go on forever! All good parties must come to an end. That is the sad truth.
Savor the taste of food that you really enjoy, and learn that it's okay to say, "That's enough". You will feel so much better afterwards.
There is only 1 problem with all of this summer-based ecstasy. It does not last forever. As you may have noticed, summer turns into autumn which turns into dark, dreary, bone-chilling winter here in Missouri. Perhaps you are picking up on a lack of appreciation for winter in me.
Since this whole seasonal bias thing has been going on with me for a while, I actually have some wisdom to share about this subject.
Here it is: Everything is impermanent. When we try to hold onto and grasp onto what we really like, we end up suffering, in the long run. We all grow older, get sick, lose people we love - it's inevitable. And, yes, winter with all of its dreariness does seem to come back every year. The remedy for this dilemma is to really be grateful for and mindful of what we have while we have it. My temptation is to rock my boat when I'm enjoying my run by thinking, "Well, pretty soon all the green grass & green leaves will be gone & I'll be stuck in the house!" That thought sucks all the pleasure out of my run instantly. It sure doesn't change the seasonal process, but it does change my mood which plummets.
So what is the lesson here as far as MINDFUL EATING is concerned? When we taste something that we really like, we want that good taste and good feeling to last forever. We want to grasp onto and hold onto it. We forget about whether we have had enough and are satisfied. We want that "party in our mouth" to go on forever! All good parties must come to an end. That is the sad truth.
Savor the taste of food that you really enjoy, and learn that it's okay to say, "That's enough". You will feel so much better afterwards.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Mindfulness and Acceptance of What Is
I would like to help you understand the importance of mindfulness and acceptance of what is by presenting examples of me forgetting this in my own life. I also want to help you understand that it is one thing for me to sit in my comfy chair in my office telling you how important they are - and then there's my real life!
For example, today I took my dog, Susie, along with me for a walk at Faust Park. Now those of you who live in St. Louis know what a cool Spring we have had this year. Nonetheless, today there was a beautiful, bright blue sky above and NO RAIN which is also quite significant this Spring.
As I look back on this walk, tonight which is 10 hours later, there are 2 things which I remember. One was a lovely talk that I had with a woman over her fence and the other was when I glanced down & saw a black racer snake 1/2 way across our path. Fortunately Susie was busy looking off in the opposite direction and did not spot the snake which was perfectly still. Susie & I walked past it without it moving. It was so still that I looked back to make sure that it was alive & it had already disappeared!
I must have spent the rest of my hike "lost in thought". What was I thinking about? I do remember that I was bemoaning that it was less than 60 degrees. Poor me. Is it always this cool this late in the Spring here in St. Louis? (I've only lived here 30 years.) Was it like this when I grew up in Rochester, NY or was it like this when I lived in Ridgefield, CT? I heard that we might have a freeze tonight! I'm going to have to bring in my plants that I purchased & have not yet potted tonight. Where will I put them? Probably it would be best to put them in the kitchen. I can't believe that it's less than 60 degrees. When will it warm up?
You probably get the idea. I spent almost all of that walk resisting what was & thinking the same pointless things over and over. I wanted it to be different than it was. I didn't drink in all of the beauty surrounding me. I know that there must have been beautiful green trees, spring wildflowers, lovely sunshine falling on me, but I didn't see any of that because I wasn't present. I was lost in thought.
The good news is, to the best of my knowledge, I'll get another chance to take Susie to Faust Park. I'll have another opportunity to be present for that experience - or not.
For example, today I took my dog, Susie, along with me for a walk at Faust Park. Now those of you who live in St. Louis know what a cool Spring we have had this year. Nonetheless, today there was a beautiful, bright blue sky above and NO RAIN which is also quite significant this Spring.
As I look back on this walk, tonight which is 10 hours later, there are 2 things which I remember. One was a lovely talk that I had with a woman over her fence and the other was when I glanced down & saw a black racer snake 1/2 way across our path. Fortunately Susie was busy looking off in the opposite direction and did not spot the snake which was perfectly still. Susie & I walked past it without it moving. It was so still that I looked back to make sure that it was alive & it had already disappeared!
I must have spent the rest of my hike "lost in thought". What was I thinking about? I do remember that I was bemoaning that it was less than 60 degrees. Poor me. Is it always this cool this late in the Spring here in St. Louis? (I've only lived here 30 years.) Was it like this when I grew up in Rochester, NY or was it like this when I lived in Ridgefield, CT? I heard that we might have a freeze tonight! I'm going to have to bring in my plants that I purchased & have not yet potted tonight. Where will I put them? Probably it would be best to put them in the kitchen. I can't believe that it's less than 60 degrees. When will it warm up?
You probably get the idea. I spent almost all of that walk resisting what was & thinking the same pointless things over and over. I wanted it to be different than it was. I didn't drink in all of the beauty surrounding me. I know that there must have been beautiful green trees, spring wildflowers, lovely sunshine falling on me, but I didn't see any of that because I wasn't present. I was lost in thought.
The good news is, to the best of my knowledge, I'll get another chance to take Susie to Faust Park. I'll have another opportunity to be present for that experience - or not.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Mindful Eating as a Balance in Life
So many clients are coming in to see me because they are feeling overwhelmed by all the global events that are transpiring. There is such an internal conflict that can arise within us as we sit comfortably in our home watching the horrendous earthquake & tsunami that inundated Japan & its scary after effects, watching Middle Eastern countries struggling to overtake their despotic leaders, watch our government leaders struggling to deal with our economic woes with all their dire predictions of what will happen if "the other side wins", and on and on it goes. There is little that most of us can do about these situations.
So what do we do with all the feelings of helplessness and sorrow that might arise for us? For those of us who have turned to food in our lives as a coping mechanism, it is an automatic reaction to reach for food, lots of food, to "stuff it all down".
The irony is that this food solution only causes more overwhelming feelings as guilt sets in for having overeaten.
What I have found is that bringing mindfulness into our lives helps us to slow down & notice the things that we do have some control over. Bringing mindful awareness to our body and noticing whether it is hungry or not is a great start. If it is hungry, we check to see if we want something hot or cold, creamy or crunchy, etc. We make sure that we make a time and place where we can let our meal be the center of our attention. We look at the food, taking in any smells, colors, shapes, noting the texture of the food in our mouth as we slowly savor the taste. We notice when our body gives us the subtle sign that we have had enough. This can be a very special, nurturing experience.
A special, nurturing experience is exactly what we need to balance our feelings of overwhelm and helplessness.
Stopping our hectic pace in this way is the pause that refreshes, the pause that can make all the difference to the quality of our life.
So what do we do with all the feelings of helplessness and sorrow that might arise for us? For those of us who have turned to food in our lives as a coping mechanism, it is an automatic reaction to reach for food, lots of food, to "stuff it all down".
The irony is that this food solution only causes more overwhelming feelings as guilt sets in for having overeaten.
What I have found is that bringing mindfulness into our lives helps us to slow down & notice the things that we do have some control over. Bringing mindful awareness to our body and noticing whether it is hungry or not is a great start. If it is hungry, we check to see if we want something hot or cold, creamy or crunchy, etc. We make sure that we make a time and place where we can let our meal be the center of our attention. We look at the food, taking in any smells, colors, shapes, noting the texture of the food in our mouth as we slowly savor the taste. We notice when our body gives us the subtle sign that we have had enough. This can be a very special, nurturing experience.
A special, nurturing experience is exactly what we need to balance our feelings of overwhelm and helplessness.
Stopping our hectic pace in this way is the pause that refreshes, the pause that can make all the difference to the quality of our life.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Impermanence
Do you remember how excited I was about Spring being here & how excited I was about the wonderful warm weather that was engulfing us here in St. Louis? Well, guess what? It was in the 70's around 2PM & then strong winds blew winter back into town! As I write, it's in the 40's. Now, I know perfectly well that this is the nature of Spring where we live. It happens every year. BUT YET, once again I feel like Charlie Brown falling over and over again for Lucie's false promises. I do know that this cold weather will be impermanent & give way to Spring in its own time.
My thoughts about impermanence have been stimulated by the catastrophe in Japan. I can't find the words to describe how devastating the images that have come out of there are to us as viewers. So many clients are expressing their sorrow and sense of helplessness to me in sessions. It has touched all of us deeply.
Once again we are graphically reminded that there is so much that is out of our control, no matter how technologically advanced we are. Japan had done just about everything possible to prepare for earthquakes and tsunamis since they knew that they were vulnerable. However, nothing could hold back the horrific surge of water that wiped out so many communities and lives.
Life is fragile. This event is one more reminder of that fact. We can panic and try to protect ourselves even more than we are. Or we can be grateful for all that we have - for every day that dawns, no matter what the temperature.
Today my beautiful grand daughter, Julia has turned 10. She is so very full of life and she also can be amazingly wise. She sits back & listens & then will come up with an assessment that seems way beyond her 10 years.
I am full of gratitude for having such a full life with a wonderful, loving husband, healthy Mom, 4 beautiful children (counting spouses), 5 fabulous grandchildren, best dog ever, Susie, great friends and wonderful clients.
I am encouraging you to stop right now and mindfully reflect on what you are grateful for having in your life. Even though it might be impermanent, it is here now.
My thoughts about impermanence have been stimulated by the catastrophe in Japan. I can't find the words to describe how devastating the images that have come out of there are to us as viewers. So many clients are expressing their sorrow and sense of helplessness to me in sessions. It has touched all of us deeply.
Once again we are graphically reminded that there is so much that is out of our control, no matter how technologically advanced we are. Japan had done just about everything possible to prepare for earthquakes and tsunamis since they knew that they were vulnerable. However, nothing could hold back the horrific surge of water that wiped out so many communities and lives.
Life is fragile. This event is one more reminder of that fact. We can panic and try to protect ourselves even more than we are. Or we can be grateful for all that we have - for every day that dawns, no matter what the temperature.
Today my beautiful grand daughter, Julia has turned 10. She is so very full of life and she also can be amazingly wise. She sits back & listens & then will come up with an assessment that seems way beyond her 10 years.
I am full of gratitude for having such a full life with a wonderful, loving husband, healthy Mom, 4 beautiful children (counting spouses), 5 fabulous grandchildren, best dog ever, Susie, great friends and wonderful clients.
I am encouraging you to stop right now and mindfully reflect on what you are grateful for having in your life. Even though it might be impermanent, it is here now.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Spring is Bustin' Out All Over!
Happy Spring to all of my readers. The above title is what I usually sing to my daughter's voicemail on the first beautiful day that we have. Today the temperature has climbed up into the high 70's here in St. Louis, MO.
It's amazing how in a blink the winter blahs vanish. There are signs of Spring everywhere. I love to make it my business every year to try to find every single one of them. It seems to be so reassuring. I've survived another winter. Life goes on and I'm still a part of it. I'm so very grateful.
Today Sid, Susie & I went for a run/walk on a trail that goes from the Research Park in St. Charles Co. down to the KATY trail. We went a mile out on the trail until we decided that we had better head back for Susie's sake. We didn't want her to get too tired. Yeah, right! When Sid & I think that we're running at such a great pace, we look down at Susie & she's walking - just walking & ahead of us!!! Okay, the truth is out - Sid & I didn't want to overdo it so early in Spring. There's time for that later when it's in the upper 90's.
Today I would like to encourage each and every one of you to slow down by taking a nice, deep breath - Yes, right now - noticing the sensation of your breath as it comes in at the tip of your nose, travels all the way down into your lower chest & then back up and out. Notice how the air is cool as it comes in at the tip of your nose and then is warmed by your body so that it is warmer as it leaves your body through the tip of your nose. Isn't that amazing? It's one more thing that we take for granted in this wonderful life that we have. When we take this mini-timeout for ourselves, we are able to see more clearly. When we can see clearly, we can make our wisest choices. This certainly applies to mindful eating choices.
It feels good to join with you on this first day of Spring. It's a day of hope and promise of more good things to come.
-Cheryl
It's amazing how in a blink the winter blahs vanish. There are signs of Spring everywhere. I love to make it my business every year to try to find every single one of them. It seems to be so reassuring. I've survived another winter. Life goes on and I'm still a part of it. I'm so very grateful.
Today Sid, Susie & I went for a run/walk on a trail that goes from the Research Park in St. Charles Co. down to the KATY trail. We went a mile out on the trail until we decided that we had better head back for Susie's sake. We didn't want her to get too tired. Yeah, right! When Sid & I think that we're running at such a great pace, we look down at Susie & she's walking - just walking & ahead of us!!! Okay, the truth is out - Sid & I didn't want to overdo it so early in Spring. There's time for that later when it's in the upper 90's.
Today I would like to encourage each and every one of you to slow down by taking a nice, deep breath - Yes, right now - noticing the sensation of your breath as it comes in at the tip of your nose, travels all the way down into your lower chest & then back up and out. Notice how the air is cool as it comes in at the tip of your nose and then is warmed by your body so that it is warmer as it leaves your body through the tip of your nose. Isn't that amazing? It's one more thing that we take for granted in this wonderful life that we have. When we take this mini-timeout for ourselves, we are able to see more clearly. When we can see clearly, we can make our wisest choices. This certainly applies to mindful eating choices.
It feels good to join with you on this first day of Spring. It's a day of hope and promise of more good things to come.
-Cheryl
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
MINDFUL EATING FOR THE HOLIDAYS - some ideas
I decided to attach a copy of a handout that I will be using tomorrow night at a talk I'm giving at the Weight Loss Institute at De Paul Hospital.
Mindfulness is being aware of what you are doing while you are doing it without judgement.
Please look at the following feelings and thoughts to determine if any of them might be familiar to you at this time of the year:
· Exhaustion
· Feeling inadequate
· Disappointment
· Trying to make everybody happy
· Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning
· Cooking, cooking, cooking
· Fear of unpleasant experiences with family members
· Not enough $$
· Needing “the perfect presents” for everybody
· Not enough time
· Rushing
· Waiting in long lines
· Feeling frantic
· Having regrets about past
· Wishing for more….
· Depression
· Anxiety
· Sadness
· Unpleasant memories of past holidays
· Spending too much $$ & worrying about paying bills
· Fear of letting others down
· Too many expectations
· Wishing holidays were over
· Disappointment about gifts received
· Others letting you down
· You do all the work and get no appreciation
· Can’t be with loved ones
· Loneliness
· Hate crowds
· Hate lines
· Feelings of emptiness
· Fear of overeating
· Feelings of “never enough”
· Don’t want the fun to end
· Wish holidays were like they were when you were a kid
· Miss deceased loved ones
· Wish you weren’t with whomever you’re with
· Longing for something more
· Feel like everybody else is having a better time than you are
· Can’t get enough
· Putting everybody else first and not getting anything back
· No time to relax
· Missing someone
· Feelings of being left out
· Missing “the old days”
· Feeling not good enough
· Missing simpler times of your childhood
· Feeling of powerlessness
· Emptiness
· Feel like there’s a hole inside you that can’t be filled
· Feelings of hopelessness
· Feeling rejected
· Boredom
The thoughts and feelings listed above and many more feel uncomfortable. In the past we have “used” food to numb ourselves, or to space out, or to distract ourselves from feeling them. When we bring mindfulness into our lives, we become aware of these feelings and the discomfort that they cause without running away from them. We find ways to deal with them other than through the use of food. This frees us to enjoy food without guilt because we no longer need to compulsively overeat. We can savor our meals, instead of mindlessly eating.
During the holidays we often try to bring back what we remember as warm, loving days of the past by eating the same food. If we eat half of the pumpkin pie that looks like Grandma’s pumpkin pie, maybe this time it will bring her back to life. Maybe we’ll feel the innocence, wonder and carefree freedom that we felt as a child.
For others of us, there are painful childhood holiday memories. We want to stuff down those memories with as much food as possible.
These strategies only work in the short-term, if at all. We then have to face the fact that we have once again overeaten compulsively. Most times we are eating so rapidly that we are not even tasting the food. We feel physically full, but emotionally empty.
Mindful awareness helps us to see our habitual patterns. We have compassion for ourselves as we come to see that food was the best coping mechanism we had. However, we now are able to wisely make better choices through the use of mindfulness. This frees us to have a healthy relationship with food. It also frees us to open up to a glorious life that is not centered around eating.
My clients often tell me that the holidays are "all about the food". This may very well have been true in the past.
Here is my question to you? What would you like your holidays to be about? Sure, food will be there, but what would really bring you peace, love and well being? It's totally up to you and me.
I'm going to do my best to bring mindfulness into these days and evenings so that I am aware of what is going on inside me. It's so easy to flip into the 2 extremes of chaos or rigidity. If I compassionately observe my internal energy, I will be more likely to head off disasters.
Wishing you mindfulness.
Mindfulness is being aware of what you are doing while you are doing it without judgement.
Please look at the following feelings and thoughts to determine if any of them might be familiar to you at this time of the year:
· Exhaustion
· Feeling inadequate
· Disappointment
· Trying to make everybody happy
· Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning
· Cooking, cooking, cooking
· Fear of unpleasant experiences with family members
· Not enough $$
· Needing “the perfect presents” for everybody
· Not enough time
· Rushing
· Waiting in long lines
· Feeling frantic
· Having regrets about past
· Wishing for more….
· Depression
· Anxiety
· Sadness
· Unpleasant memories of past holidays
· Spending too much $$ & worrying about paying bills
· Fear of letting others down
· Too many expectations
· Wishing holidays were over
· Disappointment about gifts received
· Others letting you down
· You do all the work and get no appreciation
· Can’t be with loved ones
· Loneliness
· Hate crowds
· Hate lines
· Feelings of emptiness
· Fear of overeating
· Feelings of “never enough”
· Don’t want the fun to end
· Wish holidays were like they were when you were a kid
· Miss deceased loved ones
· Wish you weren’t with whomever you’re with
· Longing for something more
· Feel like everybody else is having a better time than you are
· Can’t get enough
· Putting everybody else first and not getting anything back
· No time to relax
· Missing someone
· Feelings of being left out
· Missing “the old days”
· Feeling not good enough
· Missing simpler times of your childhood
· Feeling of powerlessness
· Emptiness
· Feel like there’s a hole inside you that can’t be filled
· Feelings of hopelessness
· Feeling rejected
· Boredom
The thoughts and feelings listed above and many more feel uncomfortable. In the past we have “used” food to numb ourselves, or to space out, or to distract ourselves from feeling them. When we bring mindfulness into our lives, we become aware of these feelings and the discomfort that they cause without running away from them. We find ways to deal with them other than through the use of food. This frees us to enjoy food without guilt because we no longer need to compulsively overeat. We can savor our meals, instead of mindlessly eating.
During the holidays we often try to bring back what we remember as warm, loving days of the past by eating the same food. If we eat half of the pumpkin pie that looks like Grandma’s pumpkin pie, maybe this time it will bring her back to life. Maybe we’ll feel the innocence, wonder and carefree freedom that we felt as a child.
For others of us, there are painful childhood holiday memories. We want to stuff down those memories with as much food as possible.
These strategies only work in the short-term, if at all. We then have to face the fact that we have once again overeaten compulsively. Most times we are eating so rapidly that we are not even tasting the food. We feel physically full, but emotionally empty.
Mindful awareness helps us to see our habitual patterns. We have compassion for ourselves as we come to see that food was the best coping mechanism we had. However, we now are able to wisely make better choices through the use of mindfulness. This frees us to have a healthy relationship with food. It also frees us to open up to a glorious life that is not centered around eating.
My clients often tell me that the holidays are "all about the food". This may very well have been true in the past.
Here is my question to you? What would you like your holidays to be about? Sure, food will be there, but what would really bring you peace, love and well being? It's totally up to you and me.
I'm going to do my best to bring mindfulness into these days and evenings so that I am aware of what is going on inside me. It's so easy to flip into the 2 extremes of chaos or rigidity. If I compassionately observe my internal energy, I will be more likely to head off disasters.
Wishing you mindfulness.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Making Yourself More Important Than Food
When I was struggling with my weight for, lo, those many years, I lived in a food oriented world. I went from devouring one meal to immediately beginning to ponder,"What's next?" Now, normal people might answer that question with ideas about what activity they wanted to engage in next or what friend they wanted to call. Not me, that question was always about food - yes, my best friend food. It went everywhere I went in my head (not to mention on my hips and thighs) As I look back, it was all I cared about. What a Johnny-one-note I was. I was more shallow than a crepe (oops!)
When I had my son and daughter, they were the center of my world. However, I soon began cooking and baking up a storm to show them that I loved them. Ouch!! My heart aches to think that I taught them that food = love. I had no clue. That message had started in my childhood & I passed it on. I did it out of ignorance. When I cranked out home-baked bread, jams, pies, cookies, cakes, I truly thought I was being a great Mom. Of course I was my very best consumer of all of these treats. I would bake up a storm, eat my way through it, hate myself and then torment myself with the latest, greatest diet. We all know how that goes. I would take weight off until I started putting it all back on with a little extra for good measure.
I wondered why I was so weak-willed. More than that, I wondered why I could sometimes be fairly smart and then be totally stupid when it came to food.
When I started graduate school to become a counselor, I began to meditate to help me deal with the stress of studying and trying to raise my family. What I remember is that I actually could slow myself down. I could have some moments of reprieve from the incessant critic in my head. In those moments I was actually able to pay attention to whether I was hungry or not - amazing idea! In this relaxed state I could notice the food I was selecting. It became enjoyable to become mindful. I liked the way I felt. I wasn't out of control. I was tuned in to myself. I gradually became more and more comfortable making wise food choices. When I was doing this because I wanted to be mindful of what I was doing and then feeling the good feelings that accompanied that attitude, everything sort of fell into place. It was my idea to eat until I was satisfied and then stop. It wasn't the latest diet guru's idea. It was my very own idea and that made all the difference. I guess I have a strong rebellious streak in me. I guess? What? I know I do! But now all of me was on the same side for a change. I had a brand new interest in self care.
I realized that for the first time I could remember I was making myself more important than food. Suddenly I had time to make a life for myself.
What would it take for you to make yourself more important than food?
When I had my son and daughter, they were the center of my world. However, I soon began cooking and baking up a storm to show them that I loved them. Ouch!! My heart aches to think that I taught them that food = love. I had no clue. That message had started in my childhood & I passed it on. I did it out of ignorance. When I cranked out home-baked bread, jams, pies, cookies, cakes, I truly thought I was being a great Mom. Of course I was my very best consumer of all of these treats. I would bake up a storm, eat my way through it, hate myself and then torment myself with the latest, greatest diet. We all know how that goes. I would take weight off until I started putting it all back on with a little extra for good measure.
I wondered why I was so weak-willed. More than that, I wondered why I could sometimes be fairly smart and then be totally stupid when it came to food.
When I started graduate school to become a counselor, I began to meditate to help me deal with the stress of studying and trying to raise my family. What I remember is that I actually could slow myself down. I could have some moments of reprieve from the incessant critic in my head. In those moments I was actually able to pay attention to whether I was hungry or not - amazing idea! In this relaxed state I could notice the food I was selecting. It became enjoyable to become mindful. I liked the way I felt. I wasn't out of control. I was tuned in to myself. I gradually became more and more comfortable making wise food choices. When I was doing this because I wanted to be mindful of what I was doing and then feeling the good feelings that accompanied that attitude, everything sort of fell into place. It was my idea to eat until I was satisfied and then stop. It wasn't the latest diet guru's idea. It was my very own idea and that made all the difference. I guess I have a strong rebellious streak in me. I guess? What? I know I do! But now all of me was on the same side for a change. I had a brand new interest in self care.
I realized that for the first time I could remember I was making myself more important than food. Suddenly I had time to make a life for myself.
What would it take for you to make yourself more important than food?
Saturday, July 10, 2010
A Real Life Example of Integration
Good morning, Dear Reader. I woke up this AM with the thought that it would be a good idea to give you an example from my life of what I taught you about in last night's blog, so here goes:
Yesterday I had clients back-to-back for 5 hours without a break other than 5 min. between when I tried to check my phone messages, touch up my lipstick, drink some water or tea, run to the restroom, do a mini-meditation, etc. I realized that I had become over-hungry because I hadn't included food in my 5 min. breaks. Uh-oh!! I became aware of that slightly shaky, light-headed sensation that tells me that I have gone too long without food.
Up to this point I had been in the lovely flow of integration of being connected with my clients. Time had flown by. However, at this point I realized that I was at risk. I could feel myself moving into chaos. My mind was darting around telling me that I needed FOOD FAST NOW - LOTS OF FOOD!! I was aware of the tension of emptiness in my stomach, that I was gulping air. My mind is reminding me that my next client is in the waiting room, WAITING!
Welcome to CHAOS. I had been in the flow of integration a short time before, but now I was flailing around in emotional, mental & physiological (bodily) chaos!!
Suddenly I remembered that I had put a jar of dry roasted almonds into my desk drawer last week. I yanked my drawer open, pulled out the jar, got the lid off, intending to stuff as many almonds into my mouth as possible at once (ala hot dog eating contest on tv over the 4th of July weekend!) Suddenly I "woke up" to what was happening. I was in chaos. Part of me wanted ALMONDS - NOW - FAST - ALL OF THEM!! Another part of me was rigidly shaking its finger at me saying, "Shame on you, Cheryl. You know very well that there is a lot of fat in nuts. No nuts for you. Wait until after your next client & then you can have a free hour when you can go get a salad."
I allowed these 2 very different voices in my head - 1 that was chaotic, 1 that was rigid - to rest in my awareness. It became clear to me that there was a middle way between eating the entire jar of almonds OR eating none. I poured a handful out & slowly began to savor each one. I felt a tremendous relief. My body knew that food was on its way. My mind knew that I was settling down with this energy that was coming into my body. After 10 or so nuts, I was fine. I was calm and satisfied. I would be able to greet my next client and move into the wonderful space of connection between us.
I was back into the flow of the River of Integration. There was no remorse that usually follows choices made from a chaotic state. There was no discomfort that usually follows choices made from a state of rigidity.
I was once again present in my life. I was present for myself and present for my client so that we could work together to help her find any ways that integration would help her in her struggles.
I hope that this example is helpful.
Yesterday I had clients back-to-back for 5 hours without a break other than 5 min. between when I tried to check my phone messages, touch up my lipstick, drink some water or tea, run to the restroom, do a mini-meditation, etc. I realized that I had become over-hungry because I hadn't included food in my 5 min. breaks. Uh-oh!! I became aware of that slightly shaky, light-headed sensation that tells me that I have gone too long without food.
Up to this point I had been in the lovely flow of integration of being connected with my clients. Time had flown by. However, at this point I realized that I was at risk. I could feel myself moving into chaos. My mind was darting around telling me that I needed FOOD FAST NOW - LOTS OF FOOD!! I was aware of the tension of emptiness in my stomach, that I was gulping air. My mind is reminding me that my next client is in the waiting room, WAITING!
Welcome to CHAOS. I had been in the flow of integration a short time before, but now I was flailing around in emotional, mental & physiological (bodily) chaos!!
Suddenly I remembered that I had put a jar of dry roasted almonds into my desk drawer last week. I yanked my drawer open, pulled out the jar, got the lid off, intending to stuff as many almonds into my mouth as possible at once (ala hot dog eating contest on tv over the 4th of July weekend!) Suddenly I "woke up" to what was happening. I was in chaos. Part of me wanted ALMONDS - NOW - FAST - ALL OF THEM!! Another part of me was rigidly shaking its finger at me saying, "Shame on you, Cheryl. You know very well that there is a lot of fat in nuts. No nuts for you. Wait until after your next client & then you can have a free hour when you can go get a salad."
I allowed these 2 very different voices in my head - 1 that was chaotic, 1 that was rigid - to rest in my awareness. It became clear to me that there was a middle way between eating the entire jar of almonds OR eating none. I poured a handful out & slowly began to savor each one. I felt a tremendous relief. My body knew that food was on its way. My mind knew that I was settling down with this energy that was coming into my body. After 10 or so nuts, I was fine. I was calm and satisfied. I would be able to greet my next client and move into the wonderful space of connection between us.
I was back into the flow of the River of Integration. There was no remorse that usually follows choices made from a chaotic state. There was no discomfort that usually follows choices made from a state of rigidity.
I was once again present in my life. I was present for myself and present for my client so that we could work together to help her find any ways that integration would help her in her struggles.
I hope that this example is helpful.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Brain Fitness
I have to share some very exciting information with you. I am part way through a year long on-line webinar course with the man I consider my mentor. He is Dan Siegel, MD. I have read his books & listened to his teaching CDs for the past 10 yrs. I am highly recommending his books. My understanding of mindful eating has grown by leaps and bounds as a result of what I am learning.
This way of understanding our experience of life is called Interpersonal Neurobiology. I would like to share some of the exciting things I am learning.
Mindsight is what Dan calls the way that we can learn about the amazingly rich internal life that we all have. Many of us resist knowing about this part of ourselves. I believe that this is out of fear of the unknown. I have come to see that we can only tame that fear with awareness of what is. Gently getting to know ourselves in this incredibly intimate way is what many if not most of us have been "hungering for" all of our lives.
Most of us with eating issues tend to use All or Nothing thinking or this is also referred to as Black or White thinking. We are either on a diet OR we are eating out of control. We are either being Good OR being Bad when it comes to our eating. We are over-exercising to the point of shin splints & stress fractures OR unable to get up off of the sofa. It never even occurs to us that there is a middle way. In reality this Middle Way brings us harmony, comfort and well-being.
With mindsight we see that this middle way comes from what is called integration. Integration is the linking of 2 separate parts. This integration can be seen like a river that is flowing along. There are banks on either side of this river. One bank is chaos; the other bank is rigidity. When you boil all mental disorders down, each is an example of chaos, rigidity or both.
Bingeing and other out of control eating patterns are examples of chaos. Strict dieting is an example of rigidity. Either example can only be maintained for a limited time until we swing to the opposite side. In the flow of the River of Integration we are flexible, forgiving, creative, mindful and healthy. In the flow of that River of Integration we will find a way to lose weight and maintain our weight without struggle.
I intend to continue to blog about what I am learning. Please let me know what you think.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Who Am I?
I am a lover of love and peace. I have a cute fabric purse that has Peace and Love on it with the obligatory peace symbol. My clients tell me, "That purse is so you, Cheryl".
My husband, Sid, will frequently call me when we're home, "Okay, Cheryl, you've got 5 min. if you want to rescue this spider." I rush in from whatever I was doing, armed with a tissue, gently pick up the spider so that all 6 legs are intact, carry him to the door & wish him well on his new home outside. Now, if the truth were told, I would be perfectly okay with leaving spiders in the house, assigning a corner & appropriate name to each one. But, since I choose to live with Sid, that is not a viable option.
I am a tree hugger. (If you put your ear up to the deeply furrowed bark of a cottonwood or oak tree, and spread your arms as far as possible around the trunk, you will be amazed at what you hear and feel.)
I cry whenever any unfortunate creature is hurt on tv or in a movie.
I recoil from any signs of aggression or violence. I believe that we should do our best to live and let live.
On a trip to Virginia a few yrs ago with Sid we came upon a lovely pine tree with a thick vine that had a strangle hold on it. It was wrapped over, under and all around the poor tree. Sid & I spent almost an hr. unraveling the vine, saving the pine tree.
I tromp through the snow on my deck to fill the bird feeder so that my feathered friends will have full tummies.
I rescue worms who have been washed out of the soil in a hard downpour & are stranded on now dry sidewalk. I pick them up & carry them over to the grass so that they can once burrow into the ground.
HOWEVER, yesterday, as I was walking past my glorious roses that are enthusiastically growing outside my office window, I spotted an enemy! There to my disbelieving eyes were Japanese beetles, at least 10 deep chowing down on my once beautiful roses. The leaves are now totally riddled with holes. I ran back into my office, cranked up my computer & googled "how to destroy Japanese beetles". Armed with a plan, I then found a tall coffee cup, filled it with hot water & liquid hand soap from the ladies' room, tore out the door into the 98 degree heat, feeling like a soldier in Iraq, & began knocking, grabbing, dunking beetles by the handful into the coffee cup. When it was full, I proudly strode into my office which is next to Sid's office. I asked him if he wanted to see what I had caught in my coffee cup. He wisely said, "Not really", then curiosity got the better of him & he peered into the vessel. There he saw a crawling pile of drowning Japanese beetles. A look of horror came over his face. "Who are you?", he said with dismay. "They look like they're suffering & in agony." "So?", I replied.
Slowly I began to feel a little remorse. What have I done? They're only trying to make a living the only way Japanese beetles know how. I took the now quiet pile of irridescent corpses out to bury them in the soil not too far from the roses.
As I stood up, I spotted another pile of Japanese beetles munching away on a formerly glorious rose. Before I knew it, I was tearing back into the ladies' room to get more hot soapy water.
I guess we all have parts of ourselves that don't seem to match who we like to think we are. I have decided to accept all of these parts of me. How about you?
My husband, Sid, will frequently call me when we're home, "Okay, Cheryl, you've got 5 min. if you want to rescue this spider." I rush in from whatever I was doing, armed with a tissue, gently pick up the spider so that all 6 legs are intact, carry him to the door & wish him well on his new home outside. Now, if the truth were told, I would be perfectly okay with leaving spiders in the house, assigning a corner & appropriate name to each one. But, since I choose to live with Sid, that is not a viable option.
I am a tree hugger. (If you put your ear up to the deeply furrowed bark of a cottonwood or oak tree, and spread your arms as far as possible around the trunk, you will be amazed at what you hear and feel.)
I cry whenever any unfortunate creature is hurt on tv or in a movie.
I recoil from any signs of aggression or violence. I believe that we should do our best to live and let live.
On a trip to Virginia a few yrs ago with Sid we came upon a lovely pine tree with a thick vine that had a strangle hold on it. It was wrapped over, under and all around the poor tree. Sid & I spent almost an hr. unraveling the vine, saving the pine tree.
I tromp through the snow on my deck to fill the bird feeder so that my feathered friends will have full tummies.
I rescue worms who have been washed out of the soil in a hard downpour & are stranded on now dry sidewalk. I pick them up & carry them over to the grass so that they can once burrow into the ground.
HOWEVER, yesterday, as I was walking past my glorious roses that are enthusiastically growing outside my office window, I spotted an enemy! There to my disbelieving eyes were Japanese beetles, at least 10 deep chowing down on my once beautiful roses. The leaves are now totally riddled with holes. I ran back into my office, cranked up my computer & googled "how to destroy Japanese beetles". Armed with a plan, I then found a tall coffee cup, filled it with hot water & liquid hand soap from the ladies' room, tore out the door into the 98 degree heat, feeling like a soldier in Iraq, & began knocking, grabbing, dunking beetles by the handful into the coffee cup. When it was full, I proudly strode into my office which is next to Sid's office. I asked him if he wanted to see what I had caught in my coffee cup. He wisely said, "Not really", then curiosity got the better of him & he peered into the vessel. There he saw a crawling pile of drowning Japanese beetles. A look of horror came over his face. "Who are you?", he said with dismay. "They look like they're suffering & in agony." "So?", I replied.
Slowly I began to feel a little remorse. What have I done? They're only trying to make a living the only way Japanese beetles know how. I took the now quiet pile of irridescent corpses out to bury them in the soil not too far from the roses.
As I stood up, I spotted another pile of Japanese beetles munching away on a formerly glorious rose. Before I knew it, I was tearing back into the ladies' room to get more hot soapy water.
I guess we all have parts of ourselves that don't seem to match who we like to think we are. I have decided to accept all of these parts of me. How about you?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Back Home Again
Well, here I am sitting at my computer in my office. We returned from Sedona Tues. evening. What a glorious trip. It's hard for my brain to get it that I'm back here again when I have flashes of beautiful red rock mountains flashing through my head.
But here I am. I look out of my office window & I see a riot of color from the rose bushes that continue to produce tons of bright magenta roses & the hyacinth bushes that are loaded down with a profusion of blue & pink balls of petals. There are bushes with stacks of pink flowers that I haven't identified yet, along with hostas in purple bloom. It's so much more spectacular that I even dreamed when I signed the lease for this space last Fall.
I have had 2 days of sitting with clients back to back, every hour, from 10 to 9 and it has been so fulfilling - every single hour. I truly love, love, love what I do. It is such a pleasure and honor to sit with my clients and feel that I am a part of their lives. I wouldn't trade it for anything else that I can think of. Why do I love it so much? Hmmmmmmm....I believe it's because I believe that people are capable of change. We now know that the brain is "plastic" in that it is capable of change at any age. One of the main things that is necessary for change is attention. I have learned how important it is to be aware of where we place our attention. Do we really want to focus on all that is wrong with us, our children, our spouse, our neighbors, our world? Or would we be better off noticing what is wonderful in this one life we have to live? Which is going to uplift us? Which is going to make us want to do even better than we did the day before?
I want to listen with compassion and empathy to my clients' pain. I want them to know that someone hears and cares.
I want to offer my clients the gift of hope - hope in themselves and in their ability to change their lives in positive ways.
It's so great to see the "lightbulbs" turn on over my clients' heads when they suddenly have a new insight. It's reassuring to see over and over again that when we finally understand that very little in life is under our control other than the way we choose to behave, everything does, indeed, turn out ok. Often it doesn't turn out the way that we think it should, but when we are able to see the big picture, we see that it's ok.
It's wonderful to teach a client how to meditate, how to slow down & eat mindfully, and, ultimately to see that food is not really their problem. Each person comes to see that food has been a symbol of what they are really hungering for in life. After this realization, food is no longer their enemy or their best friend.
It all seems so meaningful to me. It's a pleasure to be a part of this beautiful process of change.
Family trips to Sedona are wonderful. Coming back to my beautiful office and inspiring clients who work so hard is wonderful. IT'S ALL GOOD!!
But here I am. I look out of my office window & I see a riot of color from the rose bushes that continue to produce tons of bright magenta roses & the hyacinth bushes that are loaded down with a profusion of blue & pink balls of petals. There are bushes with stacks of pink flowers that I haven't identified yet, along with hostas in purple bloom. It's so much more spectacular that I even dreamed when I signed the lease for this space last Fall.
I have had 2 days of sitting with clients back to back, every hour, from 10 to 9 and it has been so fulfilling - every single hour. I truly love, love, love what I do. It is such a pleasure and honor to sit with my clients and feel that I am a part of their lives. I wouldn't trade it for anything else that I can think of. Why do I love it so much? Hmmmmmmm....I believe it's because I believe that people are capable of change. We now know that the brain is "plastic" in that it is capable of change at any age. One of the main things that is necessary for change is attention. I have learned how important it is to be aware of where we place our attention. Do we really want to focus on all that is wrong with us, our children, our spouse, our neighbors, our world? Or would we be better off noticing what is wonderful in this one life we have to live? Which is going to uplift us? Which is going to make us want to do even better than we did the day before?
I want to listen with compassion and empathy to my clients' pain. I want them to know that someone hears and cares.
I want to offer my clients the gift of hope - hope in themselves and in their ability to change their lives in positive ways.
It's so great to see the "lightbulbs" turn on over my clients' heads when they suddenly have a new insight. It's reassuring to see over and over again that when we finally understand that very little in life is under our control other than the way we choose to behave, everything does, indeed, turn out ok. Often it doesn't turn out the way that we think it should, but when we are able to see the big picture, we see that it's ok.
It's wonderful to teach a client how to meditate, how to slow down & eat mindfully, and, ultimately to see that food is not really their problem. Each person comes to see that food has been a symbol of what they are really hungering for in life. After this realization, food is no longer their enemy or their best friend.
It all seems so meaningful to me. It's a pleasure to be a part of this beautiful process of change.
Family trips to Sedona are wonderful. Coming back to my beautiful office and inspiring clients who work so hard is wonderful. IT'S ALL GOOD!!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Greetings from Sedona
As I write this,I am able to look out the window to see the most amazing red rock formations believable. This is my 3rd visit to Sedona & there is a reason for that. The peace, natural beauty and awesome energy fill me when I'm here - especially when I'm present to them. As usual, it's still easy to find that I've slipped into my thoughts about other places and times. I can even remove myself from the experience of being present in the moment by remembering former Sedona trips & then making comparisons &/or judgments such as 2 years ago, I remember that the sunsets were a little more colorful, or this room is even greater than the one we had 4 yrs. ago. I also have caught myself going out of the present moment to make comparisons within this trip such as yesterday it was sunnier & warmer & I liked that better than today. You see, I only have this moment right now, right here. It's the only time that I'm truly alive.....and now this moment.....and now this moment. When I'm aware of my experience, perhaps, feeling the cushion under my bottom, the one behind my back, the feel of the floor holding my feet up, the plinkety-plink of my netbook keys as I push them, and once again, glance out the window at the spectacular view, I am truly here. I can feel the joy of being alive. I can feel gratitude for being here on vacation with those I love. Life takes on a vibrance when we are in the moment.
Now, I have to say that there is a Sedona vibrance that is hard to beat. But, there is a vibrance that is available no matter where we are and no matter what we are doing.
I am here with a cast of thousands, or so it seems at times. Sid is next to me at our table, and we drove out here with my son, Doug, daughter-in-law, Carlene, grandchildren, Alex, Julia & Isabella & my 86 yr. old Mom. With small children, there are many opportunities for me to forget to be present. However, every time I "wake up" and remember, I take a nice, slow breath & look deeply into their beautiful eyes and everything & everybody calms down. All it takes is one person to regain her footing, and everything changes. Really! Try it!
Time to go on our hike of the day. I will do my best to be present & soak in every last drop of the experience.
Now, I have to say that there is a Sedona vibrance that is hard to beat. But, there is a vibrance that is available no matter where we are and no matter what we are doing.
I am here with a cast of thousands, or so it seems at times. Sid is next to me at our table, and we drove out here with my son, Doug, daughter-in-law, Carlene, grandchildren, Alex, Julia & Isabella & my 86 yr. old Mom. With small children, there are many opportunities for me to forget to be present. However, every time I "wake up" and remember, I take a nice, slow breath & look deeply into their beautiful eyes and everything & everybody calms down. All it takes is one person to regain her footing, and everything changes. Really! Try it!
Time to go on our hike of the day. I will do my best to be present & soak in every last drop of the experience.
Monday, May 24, 2010
What Do I Suggest?
Well, last post I mentioned the possibility of my recommending books, CDs, etc to you here and that Amazon would provide the info so that you may directly order the book from this blog - pretty cool! I asked for feedback & I have only had positive feedback so I will proceed, accordingly.
I began "studying" the issue of weight management & eating disorders when I was in graduate school & knew that I wanted to specialize in that area. I guess I figured that I had spent my entire life paying attention to my weight issues & that now it was time to help others & that, hopefully, it would continue to help me. Of course one of the great parts of my job as a counselor is that is that I am inspired by my clients' efforts, ideas, and creativity.
Geneen Roth was the very first person whose books I began to read to help me understand what was really going on with weight issues. Through her own life experiences, she was able to speak so forthrightly & so humorously about those things that only those of us who have "been there, done that" could appreciate.
Geneen has a brand new book, WOMEN FOOD AND GOD. In this book she helps us see that it isn't really food that we want, even though we really, really want to believe that it is. Food will lead us to a discovery of what we are really hungering for in our lives. She presents her book through the eyes of those who attend her popular weeklong workshops. She keeps guiding her attendees back and back and back, gently, (sometimes) back to themselves. She helps to hold up a mirror to them so that they can see their reality.
I have read this book several times. I have 1 copy at home and 1 in my office. I also have purchased her CD of the same name & listen to it as I drive back & forth to my office through the Missouri River floodplain. You see, sad as it is to say, I learn best through repeated readings by me & also by hearing the same information. It really helps to get it through my thick head.
If I already have figured this out in my life & if I am already teaching these concepts to my clients why on Earth would I want to study this so intensely? There are always new ways of hearing things, of taking them in to increase my knowledge for both myself & my clients. I take all of you with me every where I go. I am always trying to make sense of myself so that I can share any insights that I glean that I think might be of help to you whether you are my client or my blog reader or both.
Well, I'm a little anxious about pushing "publish post" since I don't know what to expect from my trying to follow directions about how to list the copies of Geneen's books via Amazon. You see, I don't have my daughter, son nor their spouses handy as I sit here in my office tonight to give me their invaluable advice. Unexpected things often happen when I try new things on my computer, but here goes..........
I began "studying" the issue of weight management & eating disorders when I was in graduate school & knew that I wanted to specialize in that area. I guess I figured that I had spent my entire life paying attention to my weight issues & that now it was time to help others & that, hopefully, it would continue to help me. Of course one of the great parts of my job as a counselor is that is that I am inspired by my clients' efforts, ideas, and creativity.
Geneen Roth was the very first person whose books I began to read to help me understand what was really going on with weight issues. Through her own life experiences, she was able to speak so forthrightly & so humorously about those things that only those of us who have "been there, done that" could appreciate.
Geneen has a brand new book, WOMEN FOOD AND GOD. In this book she helps us see that it isn't really food that we want, even though we really, really want to believe that it is. Food will lead us to a discovery of what we are really hungering for in our lives. She presents her book through the eyes of those who attend her popular weeklong workshops. She keeps guiding her attendees back and back and back, gently, (sometimes) back to themselves. She helps to hold up a mirror to them so that they can see their reality.
I have read this book several times. I have 1 copy at home and 1 in my office. I also have purchased her CD of the same name & listen to it as I drive back & forth to my office through the Missouri River floodplain. You see, sad as it is to say, I learn best through repeated readings by me & also by hearing the same information. It really helps to get it through my thick head.
If I already have figured this out in my life & if I am already teaching these concepts to my clients why on Earth would I want to study this so intensely? There are always new ways of hearing things, of taking them in to increase my knowledge for both myself & my clients. I take all of you with me every where I go. I am always trying to make sense of myself so that I can share any insights that I glean that I think might be of help to you whether you are my client or my blog reader or both.
Well, I'm a little anxious about pushing "publish post" since I don't know what to expect from my trying to follow directions about how to list the copies of Geneen's books via Amazon. You see, I don't have my daughter, son nor their spouses handy as I sit here in my office tonight to give me their invaluable advice. Unexpected things often happen when I try new things on my computer, but here goes..........
Friday, May 21, 2010
Some Reading Ideas for You
I have been reading for years & years about how to lose weight. Some things have really been helpful & others, well, they've made me hungry! Most recently I have been studying the brain and how the brain, mind & relationships interract to help create the most well-being in our lives. Are your eyes beginning to glaze over yet? I hope not because there is much going on in the area of neuroscience that is really helping me to understand why overeaters do the seemingly irrational things that we do. I believe that if we understand what is really going on underneath our bizarre behavior, we will begin to be able to make better choices. I am currently taking a year long on-line course with Dr. Dan Siegel with over 100 other students on all continents of the world except for Antarctica, although Dan is looking into having some penguins sign up! Anyway, it's very challenging &, to me, very exciting. I will be filling you in on what I am learning as I digest it (ah, yes, a food-related term, of course), make sense of it & then figure out a creative way to present it to you here.
I also wanted to mention that through Amazon, I have been given the opportunity to mention books that I highly recommend to you, my Dear Reader. These will then be displayed in some way on this blog that I do not quite understand that will allow you to order the book if you choose to do so. I also want to make it clear that I will receive a small fee if you do. I have done my very best in this blog to be painfully honest with you & do not want to do anything that will negatively affect whether you trust me. That's why I am being upfront about this. I am always interested in receiving feed back from you. Please let me know what you think.
In the meantime, I am reading, studying, savoring, counseling, living, loving, relating, gardening, jogging, hiking &, hopefully, garnering information that I can share with you to help you create a life worth living.
I also wanted to mention that through Amazon, I have been given the opportunity to mention books that I highly recommend to you, my Dear Reader. These will then be displayed in some way on this blog that I do not quite understand that will allow you to order the book if you choose to do so. I also want to make it clear that I will receive a small fee if you do. I have done my very best in this blog to be painfully honest with you & do not want to do anything that will negatively affect whether you trust me. That's why I am being upfront about this. I am always interested in receiving feed back from you. Please let me know what you think.
In the meantime, I am reading, studying, savoring, counseling, living, loving, relating, gardening, jogging, hiking &, hopefully, garnering information that I can share with you to help you create a life worth living.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Keeping Your Eye On The Ball
When I was a girl, learning to play softball, my Dad was my teacher. He would take me into our large back yard & begin with the basics.
I was an only child & was not allowed to cross the street until I was 12. Alas, all the neighborhood kids lived on the other side of the street. I was not able to learn from other kids since I had no access to them. Therefore, my Dad became my teacher.
Although I wasn't thrilled at the time, I now am extremely grateful for all of the wisdom that he shared with me. He would tell me, "Cheryl, you always have to keep your eye on the ball. If you do, you will be able to easily hit it." I always tried to do what my Dad told me to do because things always worked out when I did. I became a pretty good softball player. I always was able to hit the ball when we played in P.E. My friends couldn't figure out what my secret was. They, poor things, didn't have my Dad as a teacher.
What was even better for me was that Dad would notice times in my life when I was struggling with something & he would gently remind me, "Cheryl, I wonder if you've taken your eye off the ball...." Suddenly it would be clear in a very simple way exactly what I needed to do.
Dad never said anything to me about my weight issues. He had probably learned the hard way from my mom that that is one issue a man never brings up with a woman he loves - never, ever!! I wonder if anything would have gone differently if I had remembered to keep my eye on the ball in the food arena back then?
What would that look like? I read recently that Discipline (ugh! not an overeater's favorite word, right?) is about remembering what you really want....and behaving accordingly. So this has to do with being very clear with ourselves about what we really, really want. In the moment that an obsessional food thought strikes us, we might think that what we really want is a hot fudge sundae. But is that true? Is that what we really, really want? Or is there something deeper, something that goes beyond instant gratification that we want?
Let's look at the options: If we have that hot fudge sundae, the most delicously fun part is the anticipation. The actually eating of it may or may not be enjoyable. Often we stuff it down mindlessly without actually tasteing it, so we don't even know. We weren't there for the event. Our mind was elsewhere. But whether we enjoyed it or not, I can pretty well guarantee that the aftermath is bitter, indeed. The guilt sets in immediately. Once again, we have let ourselves down. We've shown ourselves how weak we are, etc., etc. The self-recrimination is painful and ugly.
What if we don't have that hot fudge sundae? Well, that all depends. It depends upon how we make that choice. Do we harshly & rigidly say to ourselves, "NO! You can't have that hot fudge sundae. Shame on you for even thinking of having it!" This sort of mean attitude causes us to either to have "poor me" thoughts which might end up in 2 hot fudge sundaes later or in rebellious thinking which might end up in at least 3 hot fudge sundaes later!!
Another way of making the choice to not have that hot fudge sundae comes from seriously considering the hot fudge sundae & at the same time remembering that what you really, really want. You might want to make healthy food choices that will make you feel good about yourself afterwards. You might remember that you want to be able to move around easily & fit into your clothing. You want to have the freedom to sit wherever you want without having to worry about whether you might get stuck in the chair, without having to worry about having to ask for a seat belt extender on the airplane. You want to have the freedom that comes from keeping your eye on the ball. You also want to continue to build a good, respectful relationship with yourself.
My Dad is gone now, but his message to me has taken on new meaning. I wake up in the morning, setting clear intentions for myself for the day ahead. I remind myself that I want to bring mindfulness into my moments whenever I am able. I always want to keep my eye on the ball of mindfulness, trying to make wise choices that will allow me to feel good about myself afterwards.
I was an only child & was not allowed to cross the street until I was 12. Alas, all the neighborhood kids lived on the other side of the street. I was not able to learn from other kids since I had no access to them. Therefore, my Dad became my teacher.
Although I wasn't thrilled at the time, I now am extremely grateful for all of the wisdom that he shared with me. He would tell me, "Cheryl, you always have to keep your eye on the ball. If you do, you will be able to easily hit it." I always tried to do what my Dad told me to do because things always worked out when I did. I became a pretty good softball player. I always was able to hit the ball when we played in P.E. My friends couldn't figure out what my secret was. They, poor things, didn't have my Dad as a teacher.
What was even better for me was that Dad would notice times in my life when I was struggling with something & he would gently remind me, "Cheryl, I wonder if you've taken your eye off the ball...." Suddenly it would be clear in a very simple way exactly what I needed to do.
Dad never said anything to me about my weight issues. He had probably learned the hard way from my mom that that is one issue a man never brings up with a woman he loves - never, ever!! I wonder if anything would have gone differently if I had remembered to keep my eye on the ball in the food arena back then?
What would that look like? I read recently that Discipline (ugh! not an overeater's favorite word, right?) is about remembering what you really want....and behaving accordingly. So this has to do with being very clear with ourselves about what we really, really want. In the moment that an obsessional food thought strikes us, we might think that what we really want is a hot fudge sundae. But is that true? Is that what we really, really want? Or is there something deeper, something that goes beyond instant gratification that we want?
Let's look at the options: If we have that hot fudge sundae, the most delicously fun part is the anticipation. The actually eating of it may or may not be enjoyable. Often we stuff it down mindlessly without actually tasteing it, so we don't even know. We weren't there for the event. Our mind was elsewhere. But whether we enjoyed it or not, I can pretty well guarantee that the aftermath is bitter, indeed. The guilt sets in immediately. Once again, we have let ourselves down. We've shown ourselves how weak we are, etc., etc. The self-recrimination is painful and ugly.
What if we don't have that hot fudge sundae? Well, that all depends. It depends upon how we make that choice. Do we harshly & rigidly say to ourselves, "NO! You can't have that hot fudge sundae. Shame on you for even thinking of having it!" This sort of mean attitude causes us to either to have "poor me" thoughts which might end up in 2 hot fudge sundaes later or in rebellious thinking which might end up in at least 3 hot fudge sundaes later!!
Another way of making the choice to not have that hot fudge sundae comes from seriously considering the hot fudge sundae & at the same time remembering that what you really, really want. You might want to make healthy food choices that will make you feel good about yourself afterwards. You might remember that you want to be able to move around easily & fit into your clothing. You want to have the freedom to sit wherever you want without having to worry about whether you might get stuck in the chair, without having to worry about having to ask for a seat belt extender on the airplane. You want to have the freedom that comes from keeping your eye on the ball. You also want to continue to build a good, respectful relationship with yourself.
My Dad is gone now, but his message to me has taken on new meaning. I wake up in the morning, setting clear intentions for myself for the day ahead. I remind myself that I want to bring mindfulness into my moments whenever I am able. I always want to keep my eye on the ball of mindfulness, trying to make wise choices that will allow me to feel good about myself afterwards.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Colonoscopy Blues or All Pooped Out
Well, dear Reader, we are going to undertake a journey in this blog that is less than glamorous, way less!
My doctor informed me that it was time for me to have a colonoscopy. Little did I know what ancient history behavior the preparation for this procedure would stimulate.
For those of you who are young & innocent enough to not know what the procedure is, let me explain as delicately as possible. You must drink way more Gatorade than you would ever dream of drinking in the same day, mixed with a laxative solution after taking 4 laxative pills. During this time you need to stay home, close to your indoor home plumbing while emptying the contents of your internal body plumbing. This is all done to prepare for smooth sailing the following day for your gastroenterologist who will be sending a little camera up into your colon to make sure everything is OK in there.
Amazingly the above described stuff was the easy part for me. The problem came with the directions that said that I was not to ingest anything but clear liquids the day before the colonoscopy. It also mentioned that it would be best to eat lightly the day before that.
You must understand that in my earlier premindfuleating days, I was a black vs. white, all vs. nothing, perfectly on a diet vs. perfectly off a diet person. So, like a good little colonoscopy patient-to-be, I decided to eat very, very lightly starting 2 days before the procedure.
So, I woke up on the actual day of clear liquid only diet preparation HUNGRY!! The word "diet" makes me hungry. The thought of clear liquids makes me hungry. Put them together & I am very, very HUNGRY!!!! The plan was for Sid and me to pick my mom up for lunch before it was time for me to begin the Gatorade cleanse. That had sounded fine to me a week earlier when I agreed to it, back when I was still sane.
Sanity flew out the window when I began to walk into the restaurant. As I smelled the incredibly fragrant smells & saw the dishes piled high with breathtakingly delicious items, I felt a cloud of melancholy descend down through my body at the same time that my mouth began to water. When our order came to the table, my tall glass of apple juice was unable to hold it's own against Sid's & Mom's meals. I thought I was going to swoon when the waitress set a plate with the most perfectly toasted English muffin I had ever seen, slathered in butter, one of my very most favorite things, down between Sid & me. It took every ounce of strength I could muster to keep from grabbing that muffin and stuffing it into my mouth! Over and over I had that strong urge to grab and stuff, grab and stuff!
I felt so incredibly sorry for myself. It was so unfair, to be starving in a sea of abundant food. Why could everybody else be eating whatever they wanted? What had I ever done to deserve this? Poor Cheryl.
It dawned on me that this was how I had lived years and years of my life. I would be adhering perfectly to the latest diet fad and then a moment would come where that same melancholy would come over me as I felt so sad and so pathetic. That was followed by a compensatory bout of overeating that would totally undo all of my perfect dieting.
This time I just became mindful of what I was feeling, the urges I had, the hopeless thoughts that marched through my mind. It was all so familiar.
I am proud to report that I did not steal anybody's food, nor did I throw a fit. I adhered to the doctor's orders. I would like to think that he was impressed at how clean my plumbing was. I was given color photos of said plumbing and, dear Reader, I am sure you will be pleased to see that I have resisted the urge to post them here or anywhere else, for that matter, although everything was sparkling clean.
I'm back to a life of mindfully eating what I want, stopping when I'm satisfied and being grateful to be free to do so.
My doctor informed me that it was time for me to have a colonoscopy. Little did I know what ancient history behavior the preparation for this procedure would stimulate.
For those of you who are young & innocent enough to not know what the procedure is, let me explain as delicately as possible. You must drink way more Gatorade than you would ever dream of drinking in the same day, mixed with a laxative solution after taking 4 laxative pills. During this time you need to stay home, close to your indoor home plumbing while emptying the contents of your internal body plumbing. This is all done to prepare for smooth sailing the following day for your gastroenterologist who will be sending a little camera up into your colon to make sure everything is OK in there.
Amazingly the above described stuff was the easy part for me. The problem came with the directions that said that I was not to ingest anything but clear liquids the day before the colonoscopy. It also mentioned that it would be best to eat lightly the day before that.
You must understand that in my earlier premindfuleating days, I was a black vs. white, all vs. nothing, perfectly on a diet vs. perfectly off a diet person. So, like a good little colonoscopy patient-to-be, I decided to eat very, very lightly starting 2 days before the procedure.
So, I woke up on the actual day of clear liquid only diet preparation HUNGRY!! The word "diet" makes me hungry. The thought of clear liquids makes me hungry. Put them together & I am very, very HUNGRY!!!! The plan was for Sid and me to pick my mom up for lunch before it was time for me to begin the Gatorade cleanse. That had sounded fine to me a week earlier when I agreed to it, back when I was still sane.
Sanity flew out the window when I began to walk into the restaurant. As I smelled the incredibly fragrant smells & saw the dishes piled high with breathtakingly delicious items, I felt a cloud of melancholy descend down through my body at the same time that my mouth began to water. When our order came to the table, my tall glass of apple juice was unable to hold it's own against Sid's & Mom's meals. I thought I was going to swoon when the waitress set a plate with the most perfectly toasted English muffin I had ever seen, slathered in butter, one of my very most favorite things, down between Sid & me. It took every ounce of strength I could muster to keep from grabbing that muffin and stuffing it into my mouth! Over and over I had that strong urge to grab and stuff, grab and stuff!
I felt so incredibly sorry for myself. It was so unfair, to be starving in a sea of abundant food. Why could everybody else be eating whatever they wanted? What had I ever done to deserve this? Poor Cheryl.
It dawned on me that this was how I had lived years and years of my life. I would be adhering perfectly to the latest diet fad and then a moment would come where that same melancholy would come over me as I felt so sad and so pathetic. That was followed by a compensatory bout of overeating that would totally undo all of my perfect dieting.
This time I just became mindful of what I was feeling, the urges I had, the hopeless thoughts that marched through my mind. It was all so familiar.
I am proud to report that I did not steal anybody's food, nor did I throw a fit. I adhered to the doctor's orders. I would like to think that he was impressed at how clean my plumbing was. I was given color photos of said plumbing and, dear Reader, I am sure you will be pleased to see that I have resisted the urge to post them here or anywhere else, for that matter, although everything was sparkling clean.
I'm back to a life of mindfully eating what I want, stopping when I'm satisfied and being grateful to be free to do so.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
