I am the person that others look to for guidance in the practice of mindfulness, right? As a matter of fact people even pay me for that guidance. One might then expect that I have mastered this business of paying attention to what is, in my life, right?
You probably think you know where this is going, don't you? A psychotherapist's confession is about to be put forth for all to see. You might also expect this to be accompanied by sarcasm & self-reproach for my inadequacy.
Now, I must admit that there was frustration flying around my house this morning when I discovered that my keys were not where they were supposed to be. However, I have reflected on this as the day has progressed, and, through the use of self-compassion I have held my own hand gently so that I can see that this is not the end of the world - not even close. I reminded myself that I had a childhood & subsequent life events where it seemed necessary to stay aware of what others were thinking, feeling & doing in order to feel safe. I lost the ability to stay connected with my own internal & external experiences.
As I work with eating disturbed clients, I see that this is a common trait.
What is lovely is that this can be greatly improved through the wise use of mindfulness. Whenever I have an event such as this morning's key loss, it is a wake-up call to me that I need to stay a little more connected to myself in the present moment so that I make the aware choices that will serve me well.
This is not about becoming totally self-absorbed. It's about widening my awareness to take in what I'm up to in addition to what others are doing. It's about offering myself the same generosity of spirit and forgiveness for being way less than perfect that I strive to offer others.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
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