How to Care When You Don't Care

I've noticed in my own life, that there are those times when I know what the "right" thing to do is - whether it has to do with making a healthy food choice or going to the gym to work out. I might have started out the day with healthy intentions & then, all of a sudden, I hear myself telling myself, "I don't care". I just don't care. That's all there is to it, or so it seems. I'm a million miles away, emotionally, from what I normally want to do and how I want to behave.

At that time, it's as if there are 2 Cheryls: Cheryl who cares & Cheryl who does not care (& might even stamp her foot to drive the mood home)

I have discovered that, for me, it's a waste of time to argue with Cheryl, the foot stamper. She just becomes more determined than ever. What does seem to help this stand-off, is to accept that there are 2 different parts of me at play. It is pointless to judge them. When I relax by taking a couple of deep breaths, I sit back & think in terms of making room for both of these parts of me to exist simultaneously.

I suspect that the foot stamper developed when I was a child. In my family of origin, I was not allowed to stamp my feet in rebellion. That was not something that a "good little girl", raised in the '50's was supposed to do. I guess that that part of my personality "went underground" or was suppressed. However, it is still alive & well. I no longer want to judge that part of me. If I accept her, she calms down &, amazingly, begins to join with the part of me that cares.

It's about acceptance of all of who we are. Nobody is perfect. We all have traits, thoughts & feelings that we'd rather not share with the world. But, you see, that's the thing. We are all alike in this. If we can just accept what we see as unacceptable about ourselves, we will be able to give up the internal war and come to peace within, which is a wonderful way to live.

Mindfulness and Acceptance of What Is

I would like to help you understand the importance of mindfulness and acceptance of what is by presenting examples of me forgetting this in my own life. I also want to help you understand that it is one thing for me to sit in my comfy chair in my office telling you how important they are - and then there's my real life!

For example, today I took my dog, Susie, along with me for a walk at Faust Park. Now those of you who live in St. Louis know what a cool Spring we have had this year. Nonetheless, today there was a beautiful, bright blue sky above and NO RAIN which is also quite significant this Spring.

As I look back on this walk, tonight which is 10 hours later, there are 2 things which I remember. One was a lovely talk that I had with a woman over her fence and the other was when I glanced down & saw a black racer snake 1/2 way across our path. Fortunately Susie was busy looking off in the opposite direction and did not spot the snake which was perfectly still. Susie & I walked past it without it moving. It was so still that I looked back to make sure that it was alive & it had already disappeared!

I must have spent the rest of my hike "lost in thought". What was I thinking about? I do remember that I was bemoaning that it was less than 60 degrees. Poor me. Is it always this cool this late in the Spring here in St. Louis? (I've only lived here 30 years.) Was it like this when I grew up in Rochester, NY or was it like this when I lived in Ridgefield, CT? I heard that we might have a freeze tonight! I'm going to have to bring in my plants that I purchased & have not yet potted tonight. Where will I put them? Probably it would be best to put them in the kitchen. I can't believe that it's less than 60 degrees. When will it warm up?

You probably get the idea. I spent almost all of that walk resisting what was & thinking the same pointless things over and over. I wanted it to be different than it was. I didn't drink in all of the beauty surrounding me. I know that there must have been beautiful green trees, spring wildflowers, lovely sunshine falling on me, but I didn't see any of that because I wasn't present. I was lost in thought.

The good news is, to the best of my knowledge, I'll get another chance to take Susie to Faust Park. I'll have another opportunity to be present for that experience - or not.